Arise

No measure of mercy in pleasure or pain

The sin of omission is sin just the same

Visions of the future seen through broken glass

Shattered in pieces by mistakes of the past

A glimmer, a shimmer, a glint of hope's light

Enticing the Phoenix to arise and take flight

Spirit break free from shackles that bind

Renewal of heart, soul and mind

What If?

I watched the 1998 movie Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow yesterday. It was about the way her life may have played out if she had missed the train home vs. making the train. It wasn’t the best movie I have ever seen, but I really enjoyed it. Haven’t you ever wondered ‘what if’? A split second can change everything in your life. The smallest moment or decision can be a pivotal point. There are the obvious ones of course, like deciding to get behind the wheel after a couple of drinks at dinner or having unprotected sex. There are the ones that we don’t appear to have control over, like missing the train etc. Then there are the ever so subtle ones like ignoring that feeling in your gut or that small quiet voice inside your head. While I don’t want to go through life wondering about what could have been, I know that I have played that game more times than I care to count. The variables are just too mind boggling.

Caffine

I feel a bit like the walking dead right now. I have an allergy pill ‘hangover’ this morning. My body and mind is fatigued and yet I am a bit amped up from the effects of the one cup of coffee that I had this morning. Speedball anyone?

Drugs are the Devils Work

Warning!! this post is being written under the influence of Xanex and a Benedryl. It was not most well thought idea to take both medications at the same time. I am currently in the throes of a drug induced semi-coma. Which is actually far superior than the anxiety ridden angst I was experiencing just a short while ago. Said anxiety was intermingled with sneezing attacks, itchy water eyes and all the lovely things that accompany allergies. Please excuse all typos, ramblings and incoherent mutterings. I cannot be responsible in my current state.

I am about done with spring. I have done more than my fair of sneezing and itching the hell out of my eyes. Sometimes, they itch so bad that I feel that I have rubbed them raw. Nice! Besides, there is all that delicate tissue around the eyes, and I mustn’t give myself premature wrinkles (quack). I am also awoken nightly by this lovely itch that is somewhere inside my head. Okay, am I a just a freak and this only happens to me, or do other people experience it? It is located somewhere between my inner ear and near where my glands are at the base of my jaw and in my throat. It is so frustrating. There is no way to relieve this itch other than with a large knitting needle perhaps?! I look like a person you would cross the street to get away from when I am experiencing what I shall refer to as an ‘episode’. If you have ever seen the original Odd Couple movie with Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau you know what I am talking about. When Felix’s allergies start to get the better of him he starts making faces and noises to get some relief. They are hilarious when someone else is doing them, but a real pain in the ass when they are happening to you. I am not quite as bad…but it’s not a pleasant sight.

I am currently seeing double and fading fast, so tis time to get my arse into full coma mode. Asta.

Noob

Couldn't you just eat her up?

Back in the Day

My Favorite Ankle Biters

Hawaiian Style

Man Up

Today, I stumbled upon a couple of new shows. They are so obviously geared towards men.

How do I know this…well…the commercials are full of machismo. Four-wheelers, ginormous trucks, sports etc. The only reason that I was subjected to commercials in the first place is because I was watching the boob tube that does not have a DVR. It’s archaic.

Anyway, the newest shows are Dirty Jobs and Deadliest Catch. Dirty Jobs, hosted by Mike Rowe is an exploration of all the jobs that you never want to do. Mike tags along with a regular worker on his or her job and gets right in and gets his hands dirty. The first installment of one that I watched today was maintenance of elevators in New York. They were scraping layers of grime and grease off parts of elevators. Then they had to go to the bottom of the pit and clean up all the crap in the dark, dirty, stinky (apparently people enjoy peeing into elevator shafts…..who knew?) bottom of the elevator shaft (lots of shaft and lube references…again…man show). The second was hand making bricks? WTF…I never imagined that someone did this by hand. Again, they managed to find the opportunity for shaft comments. It is quite the process let me tell you. It took just one show for me to be quite thankful for my mind numbing job.

The other show made me pretty thankful that I have a desk job as well. Deadliest Catch follows Alaskan king crab fisherman in…yes, you guessed it Alaska. Besides the obvious charm of having to grind up tons of frozen and fresh fish into mulch and create a bait bag for the crabs, you get to enjoy being tossed around on a huge boat with the angry sea kicking your ass. You would think that they would go out and do their job when the sea was calm and peaceful. But no, there is apparently only so many weeks a year that they are allowed to fish. So, come hell or high water (pun intended) they are out there. At the beginning of the show they showed the men going to the store shopping for food for the three weeks that they are out at sea. Okay….so there are probably 6 or 7 seven guys on this particular ship (there are several ships, but they only showed the shopping trip for the one) and they spent $2,800 and some odd dollars. What the hell are these guys eating? I get that men can chow down…but c’mon!! I digress. Cut to the ship at sea, there are these gigantic metal ‘traps’ that they have to get into the ocean. Each ship carries different amounts of traps/cages depending on the size of the ship, crew etc. Each cage is probably 7x7x3 and I would say it weighs several hundred pounds. It gets hoisted onto the launch pad by a gigantic magnet, baited and dropped into the sea. The fun part starts when the boat starts pitching and lurching. Then the baskets start swaying back and forth and you can imagine that’s not particularly conducive to launching the traps. They have 160 or so of those damn things that they need to launch and Mother Nature has just decided to pitch a fit.

They have winds coming in and 50, 60, 70 mph all different directions, throw some rain in there and bam! They manage to get all the traps out in 18 hours and that’s where it left off. Can’t wait to see the ending of that one…because you know the boat managed to blow a head gasket and is at ½ power with one mother of a storm coming their way. There was a brief mention of their payday being $35,000. They are earning every single cent let me tell you.

It was nice to see these men being men. I could almost smell the testosterone. Thank you Discovery Channel. Another addition to my series recordings.

Ahhhhhhhhh Life!

If there is any truth to reincarnation, then there are only two options about how my past life/lives must have been.

Either I lived like a king/queen and was prosperous, happy and wanted for nothing. Or I was the likes of Hitler and committed crimes against God and humanity. Because, I am sure as hell paying for something in this life.

Torn Between Two Lovers

Ahhhhhhhh.....late night. I love this time of night. The time when the kids are asleep. The chores have been done. The rides have been given. The meals have been cooked. The work for the day is done. There is quiet in the house. No one is clamoring for my attention or making a ruckus. I don’t have to answer questions or tend to needs. The time of night when I can just be and have a thought of my very own without interruption.

The rub however, it is also the time of night when I should be sleeping. Well, at least on the nights when sleep comes easy. That’s funny, during the day I am draggin’ ass and I could take a nap every single day. I love to sleep!! But come 11:00 or 12:00 I am denied sleep on many, many nights.

Tonight, I feel drowsy, but as I lay there trying to sleep…it evades me. So here I am. Online.

Art?

Interesting building in San Francisco. Keeping the trash outta the landfill.

Ramblings

Frantic, running to and fro.

Panic, things to do, places to go.

Hectic, hurry up and wait.

Chaotic, rush, rush can’t be late.


Negative energy flows in the valley below.

Human connection first to forgo.

Sickness, sadness, something amiss.

Tumbling into progression’s abyss.

Changes

I’ve heard told that the definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting different results. I don’t know if that makes you insane, or just really stupid. Either way, I am part of that group of folks who goes about their daily business, bitching and moaning about the state of my affairs and yet making no moves to really change things. I find it a struggle for the most part just to keep the status quo. I don’t often have the energy, time, money or perseverance to embark on a life changing experience. However, my personal life is not at all what I want for myself. I long for so much more. So, I am making some changes….very personal changes that I won’t go into right now, but changes that I believe will impact my life in positive manor in the years to come. I wish that this could be a financial change for the better…but all in good time. Baby Steps.