What an Obnoxious Emotion

This was a weekend chock full of feelings of inadequacy. I would say that I have those feelings on most days…but it was magnified this weekend. I just had instance upon instance of the feeling that I don’t measure up and I don’t fit in. I try to not compare myself to others…really I do. There are days though that try as I might, I just can’t help it.

C'Mon!!

Although, I don't think that these two need introductions....Here are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie on some red carpet event somewhere.



It should be criminal for two people to possess so many of the 'God really loves me' genes.

Audit-Kiss Me Arse

As a financial institution of sorts, my company is subject to internal annual audits and Department of Corporation surprise audits every 18 months are so. We just recently recovered from our internal audit and are currently being subjected to the DOC audit. These procedures usually drag on for a month or so. They consist of the auditor taking over the entire conference room and continually asking for this and that or wanting an explanation of this or that. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times we have had to have a single file pulled from storage because the auditor cannot get it together and have a list of files that they need. It is such a piecemeal operation. I understand that this is just part of the job, yet that doesn’t prevent the intense desire I have to throttle the auditor.

It's Only May for Crying Out Loud

It was 96 degrees here today. That is a wee bit out of my comfort zone. Okay, my true comfort zone would be about 20 degrees lower. I personally cannot stand the heat. It makes me downright cranky. I managed okay today though. I even had to walk home after dropping off my car to get my brakes done and then back to pick it up in the hottest part of the day. There was a breeze, albeit a very warm breeze, but a breeze nonetheless…so it was bearable. I currently have my fan on high right up to the end of my bed facing on me. It hasn't cooled down nearly enough and I don't enjoy sweating while I sleep. Mental note...buy a better fan for my room. Tomorrow it is supposed to be up over 100 degrees.

Not. Good. Times.

Music vs. The Savage Beast

Music is a lovely thing. It can transport me to a different place or conjure up memories of times gone by. That can be either a blessing or a curse depending on the particular memory. Some songs are so soulful, so poignant that they induce an ache, a yearning felt deep within without any memory attached at all. Or perhaps it brings forth emotions, dreams or desires I had forgotten about.

Just a Thought

Lately, I have felt a renewed sense of hope. For a long time I was so caught up in the quagmire that had become my life that I could not see a way out of my current existence. But, I am happy to report that I have turned a corner. I feel more hopeful about things. I guess I had lost my hopes and dreams a long time ago without even realizing it. I don’t know why exactly. They say that without hope we have nothing. Although, I didn’t exactly have nothing, I certainly didn’t see a future bright. I saw it stretching endlessly before me with nothing to look forward to. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that there will be nothing in life but sunshine and rainbows, I do believe now that I will have a life. I won’t live vicariously through my children. I believe that I will have experiences that are mine and not just an extension of something that I am doing for them. I have lived a long time with only their needs foremost in my mind. Which I know that is my job as a parent. But, this is my only life. Do I not deserve to be happy and fulfilled as well? Do we, when we become parents give up our right for happiness?

Ay! Caramba

I just had to share. I was on this particular type of medication for a couple of rowdy years months. I experienced some...nay many of the side effects.