Golden Years

I volunteered at a senior center yesterday. I helped to serve and clean up lunch for the seniors. They usually have some sort of ‘entertainment’ there during their Wednesday lunches and yesterday it was story day. Some of the people there told a story that meant something to them.

One man’s turn at the mic in particular touched me. The story started out benignly enough. It was about him going to the store for his wife to pick up a few things and how thankful he was for the invention of the cell phone. He said that without it he would undoubtedly be in trouble for getting the wrong thing or perhaps forgetting something all together. Then he started talking about how as he was meandering down the aisles searching for the very specific food on the list his mind was churning. Wondering, worrying…has he provided enough for his wife, will they have enough money to make it through their golden years, could he have been a better husband, father, friend and employee? Has he always done the best he could for his family, etc? We are kindred spirits when it comes to this subject. I guess I was hoping that there would be a point in time that those worries would abate. He spoke in the end of ‘gentling’ his thoughts. I thought that was a lovely way to refer to it. Particularly because we are often our harshest critics, and I know that I personally could stand to be a little gentler with myself.

That's Not Fair!!

As a parent I have always tried to raise my children to behave fairly. I wonder though, if I haven’t done them an injustice. Considering how fundamentally unfair the real world is, is being a fair person the best thing? I know it’s the right thing to do, to raise your children to be good, just, kind and considerate people, but at what cost? Will the world tear their spirit apart? Destroy their soul? Take all that is good in them and turn them inside out? I look around and notice that the people that seem the least deserving of life’s bounty, riches and beauty possess all those things. Then there are those that are just good deep down inside and yet somehow suffer and go without. From my own observations and personal experience…it never seems to even out. Maybe it all comes full circle on the other side. Or maybe just maybe life really is a bitch.

Day in the Park

Hat Trick

Heard all three of these quotes in one movie today:

"What you feel only matters to you, it's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters."


"You can't fail if you don't give up."


"Life is pretty much in the grays for the most part, and if you insist always on black and white you are going to be very unhappy."


I am going to marinate in those for while.

Speaking of pictures

I took the top one the first day that I bought my little point and shoot at a park near my house. I love sepia and black and white photography.

The second was taken through my car windshield as I was driving home from work a couple of weeks ago. I thought that the sky was absolutely beautiful.

Wondering

I attended a crafts class at my sister’s neighbor’s house the other night. As I sat there I found myself admiring all the old pictures she had displayed around her house. I was struck by the beauty in both the complexity and the simplicity in each of them. The simplicity came in the form of the backgrounds and the photography itself. The backgrounds were typically simple. It was usually just a plain wall or curtain. The photography was indicative of the era, just a straight on simple shot. The complexity came from the family itself. The faces of the family, and the looks in their eye made you want to know more about them. Not that there is anything wrong with photography today. I appreciate so much of the beauty that I see captured on film. But, I can’t help but wonder what has been lost in the name of progress. With the different lenses, lighting, slr or digital cameras and Photoshop, how much of what we are seeing is true to the original picture?

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

Okay, so I am one of those that tend to beat myself up unmercifully about past mistakes. I don’t care if these mistakes occurred decades ago (yes, I am just that old) you can bet that when they cross my mind self-degradation occurs. It’s an everyday struggle to let the past go. I recently realized that all the talk about forgiving yourself and loving yourself may actually hold some merit. How can a person truly be ‘in the now’, if they are forever trying to reinvent their past?

On an positive note

In an attempt to tether my compulsion to dwell on the bad, I will talk about the positives today. I have in my opinion wonderful children. Yes, I know…all parents think that their kids are the wonderful ones. That the sun rises and sets…blah blah blah. But, they are honestly good, solid human beings. I do not take credit for who they have become. I feel that I lucked out. They are the one area in my life where I think that I won the lottery. I guess in the vast scheme of things, what more could a person want?

I know that as parents we are meant to love our children. Nature dictates that there be a bond. But, I can proudly say that I like my kids. I enjoy their company and find them delightful (well, most of the time anyway). I love that we have a close relationship. I was told that we as a family are like 'peas in a pod'. If I can only be half the person that they are, I would consider myself very lucky.

People

As I was driving my daughter to class the other day, I had a lovely encounter with a teenage girl of about 16 or 17. We were driving down the street at full speed when she strolls across the street in front of my car without hesitation. Taking her sweet ass time as if she had a light to cross with rather than jaywalking like she was. This irritated me and I honked at her. She didn't even flinch. In fact, she gave me this very amused smirk and a look as if to say "what are you going to do about it?" After the images of her bouncing off the hood of my car subsided, I was reminded of how much of a misanthrope I have become.

I find that so many of the people that I come in contact with have this feeling of entitlement. For the most part they appear to be spoiled, self-absorbed, narcissistic assholes. I don't know if it's this valley? Is it nationwide? I am saddened to think that people are only about what they can get for themselves. That people think that they have something coming to them just for the mere fact that they exist. It is absurd.

There is something so wrong with the world today. When random acts of kindness or a simple smile or common courtesy catch me off guard, it's obvious society has taken a wrong turn somewhere.

Can So Totally Relate

I heard this in a movie I saw the other day:


"I don't want to look back on my life and wonder what part of it belonged to me"


'nuff said.

Current Favorite Saying

"Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past"

It says so much with so little.

Thanks DK

Pretty Pink Bow

Lately, I find that I am drawn more and more to independent films. I can still be drawn in by those commercials for blockbuster hits. I even like to watch them. But, the ones that seem to touch a part in me are almost always the other. I find that they are a lot more true to life. They show more of what we here in the real world experience. Not to mention that they aren't as predictible. Half the time I find that I am able to figure out the story of a movie 1/3 of the way in. Today I watched two indie films and a major studio production back to back (probably way too much tv time...but I digress). The script, dialogue and even the cinematography are different between the two types of films. You can actually see the difference in the skin tone of the actors in these movies. In the major studio production, a lot of time was spent on getting the perfect lighting (and I suspect some airbrushing) to make the actors seem as if they don't have any flaws, where as in the indie films you could see the way a real live human being looks without hours of hair and make-up. You could see blemishes, flaws, bruises and skin discoloration just to name a few. For me it seems that indie movies often tell the gritty, the ugly, and the painful stories. They are thought provoking and delicious. They dare to leave questions unanswered and ends that are frayed. They don’t always get wrapped up in a nice little box at the end and presented to the audience for that feel good effect.

I’d like to live in that world, where everything works out and there is no strife that can’t be fixed in 90 minutes. Where you can meet, fall in love, have a falling out and then in the end have the grand gesture and the happily ever after. That scenario can be applied to all manner of things. You can have an accident, be paralyzed from the waist down, but with determination…you will walk again and the girl/guy will be by your side. Or even where there is some sort of major epidemic ie. tidal wave, sudden freeze etc. that strikes the earth and yet it all works out in the end.
Pretty. Pink. Bow.

Ticky Tacky

Oh, God help me, I have decided to start an online blog? Journal? Whatever. With a little peer pressure from my brother-in-law, who short of setting up an account for me, urged me to do this. I have decided on with the show. I have been a secret stalker of a couple of blogs of women that I find are...wait for it.... just like me. GASP! I used to live in this little self-induced pity filled bubble. Woe is me type of shit. Lately, and I mean lately, like just this week, have I decided that after reading these blogs, I am not as screwed up as I thought I was. Well, maybe just a little, but not quite to the extent that I once believed. Anyway, I live in the land of the plastics. Both people and credit cards alike. Keeping up with the Joneses, Smiths, etc is what keeps this valley rolling along. It's all I know...and yet I hate it. I can't help but think that there is a better life out there. One that is not ruled by the all mighty dollar. But, I digress. So, until I find that life, I will spew my venom, unleash my fury, or just bore you to death with the happenings of my daily existence. Still reading? Wow, great!! Okay, general info. Single mom of two great kids. One is in college, the other is in middle school. When the hell did I get so old? I just graduated high school yesterday, so how is it that my baby is now on the way to college?



Anyway, here is a song that I like that kind of sums up the area/people/mindset of where I live:



Little Boxes ~ Melvina Reynolds


Little boxes, all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

And the people in the houses
All go to the university,
And they all get put in boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
And there's doctors and there's lawyers
And business executives,
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

And they all play on the golf-course,
And drink their Martini dry,
And they all have pretty children,
And the children go to school.
And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university,
And they all get put in boxes
And they all come out the same.

And the boys go into business,
And marry, and raise a family,
And they all get put in boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.