Too Much and Not Enough

Today officially marks the day that I have run out of the “I am happy for you” emotion. I absolutely cannot be happy for people and their accomplishments, their blessings and their progress in life for one more minute. I have been the supportive friend and the cheerleader for other people and their lives and I am pretty much on empty now.

This Sums Up the Problem with Society

At least Mr. Black Murano has the balls to say it.

First Days of Vacation

Fog City

Life in the Ghetto

Why do people feel the need to get louder and louder when they are congregating with friends? My neighbors had some guests tonight. Over the course of an hour and I am assuming with a couple of drinks or two…their conversation could practically be felt it was so loud. What started out as a dull roar had one hour into the gathering become an obnoxiously loud and raucous party. This entails a whole lot of cackling, clapping, hooting and hollering.

It’s almost like they have this unspoken understanding:

The one who is the loudest is the one having the most fun.

My take?

Stupid. Asses.

Season change please!

I am tired of summer. As mild as this summer has been for the most part…I long for shorter days, a blanket of fallen leaves on the ground and the smell of the cool morning mist in the air. Autumn is my favorite time of the year. The vibrant color of the trees as they prepare for winter is such a sight to behold. One of these days I will visit New England or somewhere on the East coast where pictures are taken of acres and acres of trees full of bright orange, gold and red leaves. Unfortunately, not this year though.

Not Always Pretty on the Inside

Emotions are Not Always Pretty. I am the first to admit that I don’t take kindly to change. That is unfortunate as the world and everything in it is continually changing. I somewhere along the line became quite resistant to change and that has been detrimental to my well being. It’s hard to move onto the unknown that is coupled with change most times. Living in fear of the unknown has kept my mentally, and physically in a place that isn’t healthy.

Also, I have found that I have been plagued by feelings of indecisiveness for a long time. Something as simple as ordering off a menu can be a time consuming process. I think that these emotions are probably indicative of deeper issues. I am hoping with some self-realization and introspection I can determine where these emotions stem from. Perhaps some therapy is in order…or maybe just copious amounts of anti-psychotics.

I hope that I experience a metamorphous. I hope that my life for the last several years has been me…in a cocoon healing and learning from the trauma that occurred in my life and past mistakes. I think that I have a better idea of what I want to accomplish, and the person that I want to be. Now, just bring those thoughts and ideas to fruition…

Weirdness

Ever had someone rub you the wrong way? I have a co-worker who doesn’t really do anything wrong….but she annoys the hell out of me. There is something about her that I can’t really put my finger on…but it’s off. She has a sing-song way of talking, ending every word with a little lilt at the end, first of all that makes me want to slap her. Secondly, she says shit like…..”I’m approaching you” as if I am skittish and need to be forewarned when someone is walking in my direction. Then there is the whole thing where she acts like she has this intimate secret with you when she is talking about something to do with work…she sidles up and low talks in my ear…and gives me a wink….it’s completely awkward. It’s not a sexual thing…just a weird thing. I can’t explain it…because basically she seems benign enough. Just one of those things I suppose.

Greener Grass

I have had the opportunity to see how the other half lives recently.

I have been house-sitting for my boss, who also happens to own the company. He has quite the nice existence. He isn’t obscenely wealthy…but he is way more than comfortable. He owns 3 homes..one in which he lives, a vacation home at the beach and a rental.

I would say that the house he lives in is probably 3-4 times the size of my home. That doesn’t even include the rec room or the garage. The house is surrounded by trees and is situated on 3 levels. It comes complete with 4 bedrooms and 4 full baths (the master bath has a Jacuzzi tub w/ bay window, separate shower, his and her sinks blah blah blah) formal living room, eat in kitchen, formal dining, foyer, family room, office and laundry room. The master suite is probably around 500 square feet or a bit bigger and it includes the office and the master bath and sitting area and walk-in closet. There are numerous sliders and doors that exit out to the deck that surrounds the entire property. The formal living room has a fireplace and is large enough to hold two grand pianos (yes two..a black one and a white one) sofa, love seat, a couple of chairs and a coffee table with plenty of room to move around. There is a large kitchen with island that leads to the formal dining room and the family room (which has an additional fireplace) On the second level is the rec room that holds the pool table, exercise equipment and a couple of couches, small fridge etc…it is about 400 square feet. The next level has the pool and Jacuzzi and ping pong table. There are 4 different sets of stairs leading to the different levels and an outside shower for the pool.

My family has been there for 4 days and will remain there for another week. We have been treating it like a staycation (stay at home/vacation) when I am off work. Soaking in the Jacuzzi, playing pool, ping pong or hide and seek in the dark. It’s not Paris…but it beats the hell out of the ghetto where I live.
Life is just easier with money. Hell, life is just easier in a house rather than an apartment. Just not having to go outside to a nasty common laundry room to do the laundry is a lovely concept.


I could get used to that life real quick.


But, I won’t.

Ego Auto

I wonder if BMW dealers have some sort of prerequisite list that sellers must agree to before purchasing their cars….such as:

Must be willing to weave in and out of traffic in hopes of gaining a 1.3 second lead on all other cars. (only to be stopped at the same traffic light as said cars).

Must be willing to tail gate all drivers in your way (see #1.

Must be willing to have random bursts of speed and short stops (see #1.

Must act like they are superior to other drivers and have a “My shit doesn’t stink” attitude.

Must be willing to run red traffic lights.

Must insist on turning left on a late yellow/red light, even if it means blocking the intersection and inconveniencing several other drivers.

I’m just sayin’

Different

This picture is of all the smoke in the sky because of the recent fires.

Seen Lately

That's the Truth

Ain't a soul on this entire earth ain't got a burden to carry he don't understand. You ain't alone in that. But you been carryin' this one long enough. Time to go on. Lay it down.~Legend of Bagger Vance

Canopy

Nice

I couldn't help but laugh when I read this. A certain *cough* someone I know feels the same way.

Days Gone By

As I ventured into the living room this morning to watch a few minutes of the morning news while getting ready for work, I noticed a small pile of stuffed animal dogs on the floor. For a minute, I was transported back a few years to when my kids where younger. They would get together with friends and sit around in a group and play 'Dogs'. That was the name of the game. It was a role playing game where the dogs had names, personalities and roles. They had dogs of all shapes, sizes, colors and breeds. The kids were very particular about which dogs they wanted to purchase. Not just any dog would do. There was lots of inspection and critiquing of the facial features and expressions. Placement of the eyes, the ways the ears laid back, etc. The kids had no need for anything other than the dogs to make the game complete. No props were necessary to play this game. Hours would pass as they sat together in their circle evoking their imagination to transport them into their canine fantasy world. I get a little meloncholy when I think of those days and how they are now just a chapter in my memory book.

Couple of Reasons

Last night I was vegetating relaxing in the living room while my youngest was tuned into Deal or No Deal. In my opinion, the show is moronic, but it was on so I was passively watching (as if there is any other way to watch the boob tube really…I digress). There was a perky 19 year old girl ‘playing’ while wearing what I believe was a pink tennis outfit as she referred to tennis a couple of times, but to me it looked like a cheerleading outfit (reason # 1 to find her annoying). At one point in the show she was offered $239,000.00 dollars to walk away from the impossible possible payout of $1,000,000.00. Much to my horror she turned it down (reason #2). Although, I have to say it was enjoyable watching the amount of money she was offered continue to go down as the show progressed all the while calling her a stupid ass in my head. In the end she walked away with $83,000.00. That is still quite a tidy chunk of change. But I can’t help but wonder what goes through a persons head when they say “No, thank you, but a quarter of a million dollars is not enough for me….I came here to this show with jack shit, but I will pass on the ¼ mill”. Greed is not attractive.

What an Obnoxious Emotion

This was a weekend chock full of feelings of inadequacy. I would say that I have those feelings on most days…but it was magnified this weekend. I just had instance upon instance of the feeling that I don’t measure up and I don’t fit in. I try to not compare myself to others…really I do. There are days though that try as I might, I just can’t help it.

C'Mon!!

Although, I don't think that these two need introductions....Here are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie on some red carpet event somewhere.



It should be criminal for two people to possess so many of the 'God really loves me' genes.

Audit-Kiss Me Arse

As a financial institution of sorts, my company is subject to internal annual audits and Department of Corporation surprise audits every 18 months are so. We just recently recovered from our internal audit and are currently being subjected to the DOC audit. These procedures usually drag on for a month or so. They consist of the auditor taking over the entire conference room and continually asking for this and that or wanting an explanation of this or that. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times we have had to have a single file pulled from storage because the auditor cannot get it together and have a list of files that they need. It is such a piecemeal operation. I understand that this is just part of the job, yet that doesn’t prevent the intense desire I have to throttle the auditor.